Monthly Archives: February 2014

Wasted Talent: Parody

Sometimes my friends post things on Facebook that are just begging for a response in verse.

Frost

Prompt:

This road, it did not lead exactly where I thought it led.

[…]

Actual road. I took a few of the unofficial trails that cut through the woods between the various office parks around here looking for the coffee shop and ended up one cul-de-sac further north than I wanted. This was an ultimately rectifiable mistake, I got my coffee, and had a beautiful walk.

[…]

The guys smoking on that loading dock were pretty surprised to see me emerge from the woods so I’m guessing they don’t get too many passers-through.

Response:

Cream and Sugar Not Taken

Two trails split off past the office park,
And sorry I could not go both ways
In the time allowed for a coffee break –
So the cruel reward for a path mistake
Was to finish the day in a drowsy haze –

I looked down one as long as I could,
And it seemed quite straight and kept up well,
But it veered before I thought it should,
So I picked the other, what the hell,
It looked about right, though I couldn’t quite tell
Its course, since it passed right through the wood.

On the trail I took I found that soon
The overgrowth cast shadows black.
Oh, I lost a good part of the afternoon
Winding around, and not too soon
I found myself in a cul-de-sac.

Two stevedores smoking, both jaded guys,
When I emerged from the woods that day,
Betrayed their sudden frank surprise,
Which I could read in those veteran eyes,
And told me the coffeeshop wasn’t that way.

I backtracked doubletime to the fork,
To rectify my first mistake,
And by the end of my coffee break,
I’d bought my coffee and come back to work.

Beatles

Prompt:

Downtown, Bethesda, Maryland.
Waiting for the Tripper Bus
Response:

This is the season, affordable routes out of town
This is the season, affordable routes out of town, now

She rides a Bus Tripper, one way ticket, yeah
It took me so long to find out, and I found out

She’s in Bethesda, she’s waiting for her bus there
She’s in Bethesda, she’s waiting for her bus there, now

She rides a Bus Tripper, one way ticket, yeah
It took me so long to find out, and I found out


Sesame

Prompt:

 Light purple cummerbund
You know you’re my only one
Don’t need no date to the prom
When I’ve got a light purple cummerbund on

Response:

Light-purple cummerbund, you’re the one
You make black-tie lots of fun
Light-purple cummerbund, I’m awfully fond of you.

Bo-Bo-Bo-Be-Do

Light-purple cummerbund, smile of smiles
Your color can be seen for miles
Light-purple cummerbund, you’re my very best bund, it’s true.

Doo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo-Be

Every day when I make my way to the gala
I find a little waist-sash who makes me the dapperest fella.
Light-purple a-durple cummerbund

Light-purple cummerbund, you’re the one
You make black-tie lots of fun
Light-purple cummerbund, I’m awfully fond of you.

Frost 2

Prompt 1:

Off to go cross-country skiing on a frozen lake.

Response 1:

My facebook friends will think it dope
To ski where there is not a slope
Upon a flat and frozen lake
Whose fish have long abandoned hope.

Prompt 2:

Finger Lake: skiid across. In a snowstorm.

Response 2:

The sky astorm, the air asnow,
By ski is how I wish to go.
No one would find me should I fall
Until the spring sun’s melting glow.

Perhaps it seems bizarre to all,
but since my car is light and small
I harnessed it to pull my rope,
Ghost-skied the whip, no work at all.

My Facebook friends will think it dope
To ski where there is not a slope
Upon a flat and frozen lake
Whose fish have long abandoned hope.

My cold and weary hands will shake
If I ride long without a break.
I must reach land, or ice, though deep,
under my small car’s weight will break.

The lake is lovely, dark, and deep,
but I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

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Ask Ben: Seafood in DC

A friend writes:

DC food question for you: a friend of mine will be visiting DC this weekend from Idaho and was hoping to have seafood while in town. Do you have any restaurant recommendations? Thank you!

If they can get up to Silver Spring, Crisfield is fantastic. Not fancy at all, not very expensive, but the seafood is fresh and excellent. They do it all – crab, fish, oysters.

In general terms Pesce is the best place for cooked fish in DC, it is somewhat upscale but not extremely pricey. A bit less expensive is Grillfish.

Other restaurants that will do great things with seafood include Tosca (a white-tablecloth Italian place that might be the best restaurant in DC, and again upscale but not extremely so), and Acadiana and DC Coast.

For sushi, my go-to is Sushi Taro, but I have also heard great things about Kotobuki Sushi.

There are lots of great places for oysters, Pearl Dive is probably the best regarded, though Clyde’s is also fine. I’ve heard good things about Hank’s Oyster Bar and Johnny’s Half-Shell is supposed to be good too.